When I’m yawning and feeling restless, only you seem like spring out of this whole world, girl. When you look at me, you’re like a playful cat chasing a small butterfly. The soft sunshine shines down on you right now. You’re my butterfly with a light movement. Come and fly over to me. You’re my butterfly. Every day you bring a new spring, a happiness to me. Hey girl, will you follow me? To the white clouds over there? Hey girl, when I follow you, I start to smile. You came to me like spring. Worried that it’ll end when you open your eyes? Girl, don’t worry. Are these is the feelings of love? Don’t doubt, don’t worry, don’t ask. If I’m with you, whenever, wherever, it is like a field filled with flowers in a dream. You’re my butterfly. Follow the soft scent, the flowers and come to me. You’re my butterfly. I’ll give all the sweetness of the world to you.

Dedicated to : Precious BB 

Hard But Easy

Every time I thought of you, I cursed at you. That way, I felt a little better. I erased everything that might remind me of you. But still, there are too many memories. How can I call you? How can I call you after suddenly thinking about you? I’m still forgetting you. My heart is still in pain. I’m still hating you, I’m still forgiving you. Whatever you say, love is over. I’m going back to the days where I didn’t know you. I won’t say anything. I won’t show that I’m glad to talk to you. I’m trying to stop my heartbeat that I can hear with my ears so I’m not even breathing. I’m in enough pain. I’m not in pain because I miss you. Tears are falling because I just feel empty. I hope I won’t ever hear your voice again. 


Even though we argued a little yesterday, today we are laughing and embracing each other. Let’s make a promise. You are my best friend. Even if your worry may seem trivial, don’t hold it in but share it with each other. Promise me one more time. When you laugh, I’m happy too. When you’re sad, my eyes tear up as well. I’ll always be your strength and your best friend. If you find a good movie, a song or a guy, make sure to share it with each other. Let’s make a promise together. Let’s not be stingy and buy meals for each other. Let’s make a promise with our finger. For me, when you’re not here I really feel lonely. For me, when you’re sick I can’t sleep. I am worry about you. Have faith and let's hold on together. No matter what I won’t be afraid. The word friendship may sound awkward but I think that word was created to describe us. There is only one of you in this world, my friend. You’re my joy and my soul. I’ll continue to treasure our importance. I love you. You’re my life’s present. You’re my jewel, my miracle. I’ll protect my appreciative heart. Once again, I swear to God I love you, my friend. We make pretty nicknames for each other and play around. Sometimes, we share our cool clothes. You’re number one in my speed dial. You’ll always be my best friend. Forever you’re my friend and my only friend

This song is dedicated to someone precious to me, my second boyfriend, my leader and my bestfriend. Born on 20th January 1996, she was named as Eviyana Allysa. A unique name that brings out an outstanding personality that would always amaze you. This girl is one of a kind. She have the beauty, the brain, the kindness and the guts to do anything she want. Don't want to story much but want to tell the world how I treasure her so much. We started well at first but of course, there are no friend who never get into a fight. I fought with her before but I manage to use this chance to understand her more. Time passed by and I unknowingly know her secret but keep it by my side in order not to hurt her. There's time people keep hurting me and I have no one to depend hence she was there, opening her arm to embrace me and comfort me. That was the time I learnt to understand her better and to not misunderstand anyone. As I got close to her, I got to know that she have so many reason for everything she had done. People did not see it because they never try to fix what they though of about her. This girl has another side that people need to explore. She was a caring person who always burst out her feeling but never keep it to heart. She would forgive and forget. There are sometimes she hold on for too long but in the end, she have no choice but to back off from something useless. She was hurting but no one see it because she has a mask of herself as well. She smiled, acted silly but she have something that she keep to herself and that needs me to discover. She made many mistake but we make mistake as well. To compare with, others make a bigger mistake than her. She is a kind and the most fillial daughter I ever meet. People only see her as something else because she is beautiful and have so many fans but people don't know what she is doing and what is her feeling. People keep hurting her but they don't see it. Eviyana Allysa is someone who always never let me alone. She is always there when no one want to comfort me. She is always there to back me up. She is always there to tell the truth without hurting me. We enjoy teasing each other so much that I almost strangle her but most of the time, she helps me a lot to get through my problem. I don't know what will happen to me if she's not there. I know maybe I have not done enough to be a good friend but I want her to know that I will always be with her as much as she was there with me. There is something that I hid from her but is known by others except her. I choose not to tell her because I don't want to hurt her more. Most of the time, she is innocent and I can't take it when she is hurting because people think she is at fault. I would like to apologise because I have been a bad friend before this but my dear, please remember that we have each other. Even if the world is against us, we have each other's back. Let's fight the world together!

 The word friendship may sound awkward but I think that word was created to describe us.


I tried spending a day without you but the hellish pain traps me. I need to love without you but I don’t even have the smallest space. I cry out loud but you won’t hear and again today, I only say your name. I madly miss you, I miss you to death. I try to push you out but it’s only you in my mind. I tell myself that I’m over you but it’s only you in my mind. I keep missing you, I only miss you. I try to comfort myself, telling myself to stop but I can only forget you because my heart still remembers you. I throw a fit but I keep thinking of you. The longing words that come up to my throat... I love you. I madly love you, I love you to death. Though I curse, though I get angry, it’s only you in my mind. I only love you, I only love you to death because of this foolish love. It's only you because I only love you.


This post is dedicated to the sweetest buddy I ever have in my life, Sahira bt Mohd Tamam. My girl, my angel. Born on 8th November 1996, she is my baby dongsaeng. We know each other when we're in standard 4. She was a new student and the silent type so we are not close to each other yet. We're classmate for three consecutive years and we started to be best friend when we're in standard 6. Want to know when? It was when we know that we have a crush on the same person. How funny. Every girls in the school was hating me but she was the one who always be with me, without any doubt, without any hatred. It's funny if I write some of primary school memory so I better stop. Hehehe. 

Then, we entered the same high school even though we're in different class. I'm grateful that even we're in different session but we managed to contact each other and remain best friend till now. Starting from form 1 also, we started to exchanged birthday present and I still keeping all the present. Beside that, we always want to be the first one to wish each other on our birthday. Well, many did not realise this but Sahira and I have almost the same face that stranger even look at us twice just to confirm that we're twin or not. I admit that I'm shorter than her but both of us are so small that people will think we're twin. Plus, we love to stick to each other wherever we go. We love to joke around and even insulting each other but we never take it to heart. Even if we do, we will talk about it honestly and we settle it happily. Don't want to be proud but the fact is we never fight. She is like my own sister and we know each other well.

 I'm close with her family too. Of course, I'm close with her family. I always go to her house just to accompany her. But beside that we always gossip together, watching movie together and even cooking together when I visit her house. Sahira have one older sister and one older brother. Her older sister is my sister's senior in university while her older brother was in the same high school as my sister and my mother. And that's what make us closer than before. 

Ouh yeah, forgot to mention. Both of us enjoy KPOP music much. The funny thing is whenever we want to point out our bias in a group, we end up choosing the same person and start a war. At last, we manage to agree that we will always like the same person. HAHAHA. For example, my bias in INFINITE in 2011 was Kim SungGyu and she said her bias was Kim MyungSoo that time. As time passed by, she told me that her bias in INFINITE is Kim SungGyu and I have to give up on her because she likes SungGyu so much - till now. Then I figured out that... both of us actually can't choose between MyungSoo and SungGyu. Even the our third bias in INFINITE is the same that is Nam WooHyun. One more thing about her, she is most likely will like the eldest one in a group as her bias. Example? Super Junior HeeChul, INFINITE SungGyu, EXO XiuMin. So I guess, maknae is a no-no for her. She even said Sehun is not that cute! LOL. She really don't have a thing for the maknae. We also went to showcase and concert together. Believe me, every time I heard about concert the one in my mind is her and till today, we never spend any money for every concert we attend. HEHEHE. I wish I could go with her again and this time, we want to meet Super Junior and INFINITE.

The thing that I like the most about Sahira is ... she will do whatever to make others happy. When I'm having mental breakdown with my internet line, she is willing to download some vids for me because she want me to enjoy what she enjoy before. There's time where she let me to hear the newest song through the phone. Not to forget, she even record a live show and bought a movie so that we can watch together. And whenever I'm down and post something in Twitter, she will always ask me what is wrong and give me some word to comfort me. Trust me, everything that she said really make it right for me. She is also a very supportive person. Whenever I'm having a problem, she will always support me and never blame me. She will also listen to whatever story I tell her even though it's a bit boring. Well, can't help when your bestiee is an author, right? HEHEHE. As an author, I have so many imagination and she is one of the people that have to bear with my crazy and nonsense imagination. But sometimes, she will add-on too.

I am happy to have her every time I'm happy and every time I'm down. We have so much fun together. She let me learn many new things in life. She introduced me to some place that I never been before, some brand that I never heard before and even introduced me to some gadget that I never imagine I could use before. I learned many thing from her and I thanked her a lot for that. She even bring me to watch F1 and we got to sit at the VVIP seat. It's really fascinating. The next thing about her is she is not the one who will force you and order you around. When I don't have any smart phone, she never push me to buy one so that she could chat with me easily. She was okay that she had to spend her credit to message me. Seriously, where can I get a girl like her again? No, because she is one of a kind, my bestiee, my sweetheart. I don't know what will happen in the future but I hope we remain as best friend till the end. I love her with all my heart and I know she feel the same too. Baby dongsaeng, I love you!

First Love

I was so young back then, I could only see you. I didn’t need anything if we could be together. We fought a lot about things that weren’t a big deal. When I think about it, only laughter comes out. Sometimes I’m so curious about you, I could die. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. Sometimes I think of you and I miss you so much. But I will just bury it in as beautiful memories. Hello? Just saying that one word is hard so I can’t even call you. I’m sorry that I didn’t treat you better, I’m so sad over you. I can’t be held by you anymore, even in my dreams. Don’t ever hurt again and be happy, I will pray for you. The past memories flicker before me, I can’t do anything. Why am I such a fool? First love, my unforgettable love. Why does it hurt so much? Am I the only one who remembers? First love, I call out to you with this desperate voice until it can reach you, until always. I close my eyes in this moment, tears flow in this moment. Why am I so pathetic, still not over you? Without a choice, I’ll pray for your happiness.

Bad Person

I avoided my close friends and only looked at you. I learned how to cook for the first time and only waited for you. You are so mean, you are so bad. I did everything that you wanted. All day I cried then laughed like a crazy person. Did you want me to be like this as well? How can it be so painful when there are no scars? How can it hurt so much as if I’ve caught a nasty cold? You are so mean, you are so bad. Was my innocent love that fun to you? All day I curse at you and hate you, as if I forgot you. But the more I do so, the more tears flow. Don’t you ever love again because you’re such a bad person. For the price of leaving me, don’t ever be happy. I don’t like you. Even if you come back to me, I don’t want you. You are such a mean person, you are such a bad man. Even the sweet whispers of love, I didn’t know that they were all lies. I was still young so I believed everything you told me and I regret that so much. You are so mean, you are so bad. Are tears the last part of love that you taught me? I want to meet someone better than you and smile every single day. Watch over the happy me from afar.

Just Once

Can I love you? I have something I want to say but my lips are heavy. My heart has words that it couldn't say even once. You're getting farther away when I still have words I couldn't say. Like a fool, I swallowed those words into my heart. I tell you that it's okay, that I'm here. I get bruised by embracing you in my heart. Even though it's hurt, I only want you. Do you know about my clumsy love? I can't say anything as I see you turn away. So, all my love I will just place it inside my heart. Please love me just once. Can I crazily call out your name just once? Because of my heart, I want to go closer to your side. In order to tell you, I love you, the person I miss.

The Way To Break Up

Even if it hurts, pretend that it's nothing. Even if tears fall, know how to hide them. Place it in one side of the heart and know how to smile as if there's nothing wrong. That's the way to break up. My heart is growing dark like this again. The many lingering regrets are pulling down. It'll probably be erased again, it'll probably become distant. We will probably forget each other. My meaningless day will probably pass by. Our unique love will probably be like it never exist. Even if I want to see you, I probably won't be able to see you again. Even if it hurts, I should bear it. I will probably get used to spending the days without you. Tomorrow will probably be a little more comfortable. I will probably forget you little by little. Maybe sometimes I will think of you and probably only good memories will come up. I need to forget you. Only my welled up tears remember you and there so many traces of happiness. To me, love is such a painful thing. Even if it hurts, I should bear it. I will probably forget it like this.


It was a sunny day when our love started. We were so happy, I loved you so much. Now it’s over, everything is over. My heart hurts so much. I don’t know what to do. I still can’t get over you. You’ll regret this. I will forget you. Even if I’m like a fool, I will forget you. I get determined and promise myself even though I can’t forget our love, even though I will think of you again. I cry and cry and cry like this because it’s so frustrating. I cry and cry and cry again because I’m so angry. What do I do? Don’t go like that, I will die. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I will smile, I will forget you, I will live well for all to see. I’m such a fool. I’m a fool because I will draw you out in tears because I can’t forget you. 

Baby Don't Cry

Forgive me because I'm not able to company you to sleep. Please forget me and don't ever meet me again. You're the greatest woman ever in my heart. You're a strong woman thus I beg you to forget me. Please don't cry anymore. I think it's enough till here. Maybe one day you will find your true love. Please forget me quickly. Don't ever bring up the past. I'm afraid that I'm not be able to love you.
Dedicated to : Someone named Camelia ;)

1-4-3 (I Love You)

I'm watching cause you got me patiently waiting . I think you are amazing . It's okay , you worth the wait but I just can take no more .I'm dreaming of you every night and I'm praying . Will you hold me tight and just wrap those arms around me ? I really wanna feel you in my soul . I'm talking . Do you hear a word that I'm saying ? I'm so tired of playing these games with you . I'm so confused . So will you be my love ? I'm losing my mind while your over there choosing . I don't wanna ruin this thing we got . Like it or not , who's love are you wanting to be ? Everytime you look into my eyes I  can feel that you just wanna say . Three little words that's not impossible but then you start walking away . I can't help it so I'm asking the question , I guess there's no other way for you to just tell me right now . So maybe I should say it out loud . I can't help it . When I want it , I gotta get it and it's you that I want . Maybe it can happen if you let it . Cause I got you on my mind all the time and when I see you , you're looking fine every time . If you would make me the only one in your life then I'd be like the sweet mix a little sugar with  the spice . Baby take a change , romance and roll the dice . What other girl's gonna ask you something this nice ? No , I don't wanna wonder any more . I gotta hear you say the words . I want you and I want the world to know that I'm your love and I know you feel the same .


In that space where memories linger still as warm as on my fingertips , you are here . Your scent and your face are here . Please look at me so that I can feel you like this . Struggling to catch your expressions , struggling to catch your smile . You're the one who I struggled to understand . When it felt too good walking in the rain with you , you’re not here . How am I supposed to erase you alone and live my life ? In those moments where we once walked together , in the places where the memories and lingering attachments were made ... I’m standing there because I miss you so much . Your name which I was barely allowed to speak can't be erased . Your name that only used by me is asleep right here . In those moments where we could've walked together , I'm holding onto myself alone . In the places where our future and my hopes stopped , I’m standing there but you're gone .